That that that that won't kill me will only make me stronger

I'm wrestling with some major professional-life decisions right now.

Someone asked me today, "If you were on your deathbed right now, what would your biggest regret be? Change that now!"

I know this is a common self-help-question but I've never seriously thought about it.

Today, in light of my major decision sitting heavily on me, I gave it some thought.

Death Bed Regrets:

1. That I let FEAR guide ANY of my decisions. 

•   This is, perhaps, the biggest one because I feel like any of my other "regrets" can all be circled back to that one idea...the biggest monster of them all...I really wish I was more courageous and less apt to fall back into a comfort zone, but I guess that is partly what makes us human, but as I keep streaming consciously here, I can think of both personal and professional examples of where I took the easy road, the comfortable way, instead of the fearless one...but then isn't that an "adult's" prerogative? To do whatever we damn well please. Haha that is a funny notion, and I should stop this nonsensical nonsense and move on to #2...

2. That I didn't take more chances and push myself, write more, submit more for publications.

• See #1 for more explanation.

 3. That I was so #@$%!$& lazy.

• I mean this in all sorts of ways. All of the ways one can be lazy. I wish I wasn't.

 4. That I couldn't be the ideal I have of in my head of who I want to be.

• Stronger, better, faster, smarter (kanye song but for real), closer to God, put together, patient, humble, genuine, kind, basically care about all the things a good person should care about and should be...

5.  That I even have an ideal in my head of who I should be.

6. That I wasn't confident enough--to be true myself--in all situations.

7. That it truly is all about #1.

This has been an insightful exercise that has played out as I typed it. I knew I had a "fear" problem, but laying it all out like this is (haha) TERRIFYING! I don't want to waste my life being afraid. AND being lazy. The two go hand-in-hand really. I'm 34 and am proclaiming to (try) to make decisions that do not keep me on this same, complacent, and maddening track.

Stay tuned.