I need some cheese.

I hate to whine.

My husband hates it too, when I whine.

My. Husband. Those are two words I never thought I would say in the same sentence. But it happened. I found someone and we got married. We are happy. I am happy. That part of life is peaches and cream, as they say. That part of life makes me feel safe. Being at home, being with my husband. I feel happy and safe.

Out in the world, in my job. My stomach turns to stone. My breath catches in my throat. This job has changed me. Turned me into a more cynical being. Less caring. Compassion isn't in my forefront any more. I'm not sure I would be described as "sweet" any longer.  This bothers me.

I don't know where in life I made a wrong turn, professionally. I thought I was doing right. Got the college degree. Got the Master's degree. And I still make less than 30 grand a year. At the bottom of the ladder. I'm tired of the fight. Tired of not moving up and out.

My husband says, quit, go work at Chick Fila. Everybody's nice there. But I know that would be too drastic. I still have that darn responsible voice inside my head that says to be practical and do the right thing. Which would be to stick it out. Try to change my attitude. It takes strength to do that though. I feel beaten down and that feeling gets old.

I've worked in worse places. Places where corrupt things were actually happening.

"They" say that you learn and grow. That nothing happens for naught. (Does that sentence even make sense? That nothing happens for nothing?) We're supposed to learn and we grow from our experiences and blah blah blah. I'll be 30 on my next birthday. I'm ready for that career to start now! I'm tired of experiencing.

I guess I should stop with the whining. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am generally happy in life. But we spend so much time at our jobs....wahhh! Can I ever have one that is more than just a job? Please? Before I reach middle-age?