Trying to fight against a defeatist attitude

So, at the moment, I am holding down my couch with I Dream Of Jeanie playing on my tv, my kitten asleep next to me, and a box of tissues close by. On top of recovering from surgery, my allergies decided to act up and cause me to cough and lose my sense of taste. Every cough vibrates through my body in the worst, violent way, causing pain to my incisions and abdominal muscles that were cut through. Gross but true. I've been slightly embarrassed about the procedure I had to just go through. I can only say that I'm embarrassed to face a truth about myself and have the whole world know. But since I'm sitting here with nothing to do but recover, and since I've almost given up on any kind of story-writing, which I used to love and do often, (maybe I'll bring this up later) I decided to blog about it and face my issues head-on.

I had my gallbladder removed.

Is that funny to you that this embarrasses me? Well, it sounds routine enough. It's a common procedure. It is mostly preformed laproscopically. (sure I didn't spell that right) And it has a quick recovery time. So far, all these things are true for me. I'm recovering quite nicely, with no complications except for this pesky allergy problem. I woke up from the anesthesia with no problems, which was my biggest fear anyway, and the worst of the pay was really just the first two days after. I'm only mostly sore now when I get up and down, cough of course, and stand erect for too long. Reason for that is b/c the biggest incision was through my belly button and whatever muscles are underneath there. Sorry if this is too graphic. I usually share too much.

Anyway. Gallbladder disease is usually caused from a fatty, high-cholesterol diet, or it can be exacerbated by taking hormone pills. When I started getting really sick from the symptoms, I was confused b/c for the past year and a half, my diet has been anything but high-cholesterol and fatty! If you've known me or read my blog for the past few months, you may remember that I've lost a considerable amount of weight by using Weight Watchers. Sadly, I've been at a halt at 46 pounds for a few weeks, but am hoping to get back on the strict wagon asap. I need to get off about 25-30 more. Well, I guess I am vain. Or ashamed. But I hated telling people I was having my gallbladder out b/c I was afraid they would think all I did was sit around eating Quarter Pounders and French Fries. Not True! At least for the past year and a half...

Well, it's never been true, but I have to admit my eating habits did go off the deep end. They had to, for me to gain so much weight. It stemmed from depression and low funds. Cost money to buy healthy. And after I stopped crying all day, meaning having lost my appetite to eat, I gained it back full-force. Clearly. But those demons have been faced and I've made leaps and bounds of progress since those dark days. Hard for me to type this for all to see.

The point is that after about a year of the excruciating episodes of pain, I finally find a doctor that doesn't just want to throw drugs at me and figures out the source. After he can see I have lost 46 pounds, he tells me that it is quite common for folks to have gallbladder problems after losing weight. Ah! Lightbulb. Makes me feel better to know this piece of information. So, my confusion is lessened by this fact.

But I only got in this condition b/c I ate too much bad foods all my life to this point. That is what I was embarrassed to admit. Some people go their whole lives eating badly or worse and never have problems like I did. My body just couldn't deal with it all that well. So, now that I'm getting healthier, the problems show up as evidence of past sins. Oi.

Well, all of this rambling to just admit the truth, and yet perhaps dispute some misconceptions about gallbladder problems. As I've said, it can also be caused by birth-control-pills, hereditary, and even what ethnic group you hail from. More info, look here: http://www.gallbladderattack.com/gallstones.shtml

Okay. I guess that is done. Truth faced and out there. I used to be really fat. Now I'm just sorta fat. I hope one day to be much less fat. :) When I get closer to my goal weight, I'll release the numbers. Until then, no one but me and my scale and my doctors know that truth.


Now, about me giving up on writing....well. Another blog. Another time. I feel too defeated now to even go there.

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